Samuel Daniels

Should Christians have sex while fasting?

Welcome back, Fellas,

I began a series to expose all the hidden treasures of fasting and prayers. In my previous blogs, I touched on the discipline of fasting, and types of fasting. In this blog, I will attempt to answer the question “Can  Christian couples have sex while fasting?” Let’s set the ball rolling.  

Many Christian folks tend to weigh in on sexual matters in an ascetic leaning way. This traces way back to the second and third centuries. Tatian [1], a student of Justin Martyr [2], began teaching that true Christians must renounce sexual activity in order to be baptised and to walk best in the way of Christ. Like Tatian, many other Christian teachers denigrated sexual desire and assigned sexual activity no place (or low place) in the Christian life [3]. 

Clement of Alexandria said that sexual activity did have a place in the Christian life, but only insofar as it was ordered toward procreation early in marriage, and then with “dignified motions” [4].

Clement of Alexandria even encouraged Christians to give up sexual activity as the marriage progressed in years so that the spouses might better contemplate God

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A Low View of Sex

Saint Augustine emerged in this era of sexual asceticism and solidified a low view of sex as the preferred Christian view. He found sexual desire and much about sexual activity to be a thorn in the side of Christian living. He affirmed that the best Christian life was the one lived in virginity and celibacy. He provided space for the married‐sexual life but awarded it second place in the “kingdom of God” [5].

It was institutionalised in Western Christianity that the holiest people could not also be sexual people. Moreover, the church continued to allow for married, sexual lives among the laity, but such people were not regarded with the same measure of spiritual purity as those who remained virgins, or celibate. For them, sex was indeed dirty [6]. 

Jesus, as well as the Bible, did not give any rules or guidelines for sexual activity, except that people be true to the promises that they had made. Most specifically, this meant avoiding adultery when married. 

Early Christian view of sex

Early Christian conceptions of marriage were also influenced by the apostle Paul’s in-depth explanation of marriage in chapter 7 of his First Letter to the Corinthians. Paul encountered a group of ascetics when he wrote in answer to inquiries from this primarily gentile Christian community. These ascetics appeared to take pleasure in their spiritual abilities (charismata) and spiritual knowledge (gnōsis). In Corinth, Christians were debating the virtue and even legality of marriage. “It is excellent for a guy not to touch a lady,” was their catchphrase. Paul took care to keep his opinions apart from those of such ascetics. In addition, he emphasised that husbands and wives had a duty to give each other what they deserved. He said, “The wife does not have power over her own body, but the husband does; likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” For the sake of prayer, sex should only be withheld with mutual permission, and only for a short period of time [7].

Paul’s Perspective

Paul’s admonition in 1 Corinthians not to withhold sex except by mutual consent provides some guidance. It acknowledges the legitimacy of sexual desire, yet reinforces the principle that all sexual practices within marriage should be agreeable to both husband and wife [8]. 

During prayer and fasting, our focus must be on God. The glory of God and seeking His “kingdom first” must be the centrality of every spiritual activity we engage in. When there is mutual consent for couples to put a hold on every sexual activity, it makes them both focus on the Lord. 

The essence of fasting is denying the body of pleasurable things and “afflicting it”. David said in Psalm 35:13, “I afflicted myself with fasting”. When you abstain from food or liquid, your body becomes weak as your energy level drops significantly. And, sex is the last thing you may think of during this time as your body goes into survival mode. Sex is a demanding process that requires energy and you shed calories while being intimate. This is the reason the desire to have sex during fasting gets diminished [9].

Decision of the Couple

Moreover, since sex is for the mutual enjoyment of the couple, it is understandably wise, during a time of fasting, for the couple to agree to abstain from sex to preserve their energy. This may be easy when both spouses are engaged in the fast. But in the event where only one of the spouses is doing the fast, that mutual agreement may become difficult, hence the other partner can freely have sex with his/her spouse without the feeling of guilt and doubt. 

Understand that God is not surprised by the intensity of our sexual desire. Enjoying sex with passion and pleasure seems to fit with his creative nature [10]. Every sexual intercourse in the confinement of marriage is pure before God. Hebrews 13:4 says:

Let marriage be held in honor by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled; for God will judge fornicators and adulterers.

More specifically, 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (NIV) asserts,

But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.  Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

You owe it a duty to your spouse

The Greek term for “duty” is “opheile,” which, in its literal sense, denotes a debt or something that one owes another. Accordingly, God has a different perspective on the sexual relations between a husband and wife other than our society or the rest of the world. Today, many people reject God’s word delivered through Paul. The message is simple. Your spouse owns the right to your body! When it comes to sex, you do not have over it. If one spouse desires to engage in sexual activity, the other spouse should willingly decide to appreciate the time spent together 

In 1 Corinthians 7:5, the premise is that if you are able to come to an agreement, you may deprive one another for a set time, in order to devote yourselves to fasting [11] and prayer. Even with that, come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. The whole essence of fasting and prayer is for your spiritual edification, therefore, if your spouse does not agree to your abstention, the conclusion is that don’t deprive him or her.

Your body is for your spouse

Many people today claim that they have the right to control their bodies, but when it comes to sex in marriage, that claim is antithetical to the word of God. They do not have “control” over their body as a spouse. It belongs to their spouse. A wife’s body belongs to her husband, and a husband’s body belongs to his wife [12]. This does not imply that a spouse can abuse the other sexually. It is critical to realise that Paul is establishing a principle—a cooperative attitude toward sex. Sexual abuse and justifications for not engaging in sexual activity between spouses are unacceptable. The other spouse must specify when they will be prepared for “lovemaking” if one spouse is “not up to having sex.” Both parties must be considerate and helpful to one another [13].

Using fasting as an excuse to avoid sex

Some couples may not enjoy sexual relations with their spouses for one reason or another and, as such, may use fasting as an excuse. An open and frank discussion between the spouses may help to bring understanding as to why this is so. Many couples find discussing this to be dicey, therefore it should be done with love, kindness, compassion and sensitivity. The question that must be asked is, “Is there a reason you don’t want to make love to me?” It might be difficult to accept the solution. But change must be acceptable to both partners.

Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices ( 2 Corinthians 2:11 (KJV))

In our quest to embark on this spiritual journey, we must be careful not to give the enemy an advantage over us. Therefore, while you’re fasting, enjoy as much love as you want! God commands couples to have sex in Genesis 1:28. He urges them to “be fruitful and multiply.” The Song of Solomon reveals to us that the couple depicted in the book frequently engaged in sexual activity, even outside in a vineyard (Song of Solomon 7:10-13). In case you are not able to reach an agreement with your spouse concerning abstaining from sex for the purpose of fasting, there are different types of fasting, subscribe to a much more flexible one, engage in it,  grow in the spirit and save your marriage. 

Conclusion

God desires married couples to regularly engage in fulfilling, joyful, and healthy intimate intercourse. When they are younger, many husbands and wives have sex on average two to three times a week, and once a week when they are older. God has instructed us in 1 Corinthians 7:2–5 that couples may abstain from sexual activity for a little time while fasting and praying.

Anyone who regularly desires to “fast” to avoid having sex with their spouse is disobeying God. Does God intend for a couple to disregard medical advice about having sex or to refrain from having sex if one of them is indisposed or recuperating from surgery? The response of obviously No! 1 Corinthians 7:2–5 is not encouraging violence in marriage. However, refusing your spouse access to sexual intimacy without a biblical justification is sexual abuse as well. According to the word of God, a spouse’s body belongs to their partner; it does not belong to them. God created sex and marriage, for us to enjoy!

Watch out for my next article in this series. Subscribe to my newsletter from below, and get notified. You may also leave a comment in the comment section below.

References

[1] Assyrian Christian writer and theologian of the 2nd century.

[2] Christian apologist and philosopher.

[3] Richard, W. McCarty, Sexual Virtue: An Approach to Contemporary Christian Ethics, (Albany: University of New York Press, 2015), 20.

[4] Richard, Sexual Virtue: An Approach to Contemporary Christian Ethics, 21.

[5] Richard, Sexual Virtue: An Approach to Contemporary Christian Ethics, 21

[6] Richard, Sexual Virtue: An Approach to Contemporary Christian Ethics, 22

[7] David, G. Hunter, Marriage and Sexuality in Early Christianity, (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 2018), 5-6

[8] Louis McBurney & Mellissa McBurney, Real Questions, Real Answers About Sex: The Complete Guide to Intimacy As God Intended, (Michigan: Zondervan, Grand Rapids, 2005), 29

[9]  Juhi, Kumari. “Sex During Fasting: Myths And Reality Check.” India.com, January 11, 2022. https://www.india.com/lifestyle sex-during-         fasting-myths-and-reality-check-4008870/.

 [10]  Louis & Mellissa, Real Questions, Real Answers About sex: The Complete Guide to Intimacy As God Intended, 29

[11] The King James Version uses “Fasting” and “Prayer”

[12] Danker and Bauer. Greek-Lexicon of the New Testament, University of Chicago press. 1957. p. 797

[13] NeverThirsty, “Can a person make love when fasting?” Accessed on 5th October 2022. https://www.neverthirsty.org/bible-qa/qa-archives/question/can-a-person-make-love-when-fasting

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Updated: October 5, 2022.