How to Identify Your Life Partner Part II
Welcome back, my faithful Bezzies!
In my previous article, I set the stage for this very article by touching on the Biblical foundation of relationship and marriage. I also discussed some common reasons why some people miss their God-given partners. I want to continue by showing you how to identify your life partner.
he second most important decision anyone could ever make is choosing a life partner. It is comforting to know, however, that we have the word of God as a guide to navigate this maze. Keep reading as I illuminate God's word to serve as a lamp to your feet and a light to your path [1] to guide the journey.
Good Speed!
In Genesis 24, Abraham made Eliezer, his chief servant, promise with an oath that he would not take a wife for Isaac among the Canaanites, where they lived at the time. Many people choose a partner based on their current circumstances, not their future goals, but Abraham was determined to prevent his son from making this mistake. He made Eliezer place his hand under his thigh and swear an oath because it was a solemn way of making a binding promise in Ancient Near Eastern culture. The gesture symbolised a deep, personal commitment, often associated with the continuation of the family line since the thigh was near the loins, symbolising descendants and future generations. Eliezer understood the oath’s implications and the urgency of the situation; the next generation was at stake. Every decision you make regarding a life partner directly affects the next generation of your lineage. He prayed a simple but earnest prayer and said,
Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master [2].
Identify Your Core Values
When you reach a point in life where you feel ready for a partner, the first step is to pray to God. In prayer, you need to be blatantly honest about the nature of the partner you desire, being cognisant that God created you and put that desire in you. One thing is evident when one observes Eliezer’s prayer: he was specific—no beating about the bush. The servant of Abraham was born in Abraham’s house and had lived with the patriarch and his family all his life. He knew the values Abraham and his family stood for. The most apparent values from his prayer were hospitality, service and respect. We are told in Genesis 18 that Abraham received three guests in his house and showed them a great deal of hospitality, and these guests turned out to be angels. Again, 1 Peter 3:6 says, “..like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord.” Eliezer knew that if there were one thing Abraham and his family would never compromise on when it came to a woman, it would be her qualities of hospitality, service, and respect.
You need to know the values you are seeking in a partner. While compromise is necessary, and meeting each other halfway is part of a healthy relationship, there are specific core values you should never compromise on. Letting go of these can have lasting consequences for the relationship or marriage.
You must Share Common Faith
Getting someone who shares your faith is essential to foster harmony and peace at home. The Bible says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers…” [6] There should be an agreement in your belief system. It is not necessarily the same denominations, but having the same religious and theological views is essential. This is undeniably one of the reasons why Abraham made Eliezer swear that he would not take a wife for Isaac among the Canaanites. Abraham was renowned for his unwavering faith. God Himself gave the following testimony about him:
…Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do …For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him. [7]
Be Proactive
Eliezer made a move. The Bible says, “Then the servant left, taking with him ten of his master’s camels loaded with all kinds of good things from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way to the town of Nahor.” [3] Eliezer prayed and committed his adventure to God. I mentioned in my previous article that God does not show us who to marry, but He orders our steps for our paths to cross. The Bible says, “Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder.”
Eliezer prayed with an open heart, not knowing who would fulfil his request to God. Many of us, however, approach prayer with preconceived ideas about the person we seek. As a result, even if someone aligns with the answer to our prayer and does not match that perfect image, changes are that we will miss that person.
Be Ready to Commit
When Rebecca approached, she offered to fetch water for Eliezer and all the servants who travelled with him. She also fetched water for all ten camels. Camels are incredible in the volume of water they can consume, which serves as a reservoir for future use. One camel can drink up to 30 gallons of water at a goal. [4] It can, therefore, be estimated that Rebecca fetched 300 gallons of water just for the camels. This was no small task for a woman; her dedication to serving complete strangers was truly remarkable. Many people today hesitate to commit to relationships due to scepticism or fear of things not working out, but Job said, “What I feared has come upon me.” [5] Such relationships often fail because the other party may mistake their lack of commitment as part of their personality.
Ensure there is physical attraction
Physical attraction is crucial in any relationship, especially when considering marriage. While emotional connection and shared values are essential, physical attraction is critical to maintaining intimacy and excitement. It is not just about appearances but about feeling a magnetic pull toward your partner that enhances your bond. In a healthy relationship, this attraction should be strong enough that you both eagerly anticipate building a life together. It fuels the desire to grow closer, strengthens the connection, and helps sustain the relationship over time, especially when challenges arise. Without this natural chemistry, the relationship might feel incomplete, making it harder to maintain long-term happiness.
Share similar Goals
Having shared goals as a couple is essential for building a solid and lasting relationship. The Bible emphasises this principle with the question, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” [8] Aligning in purpose and direction fosters unity and synergy, making it easier to navigate life’s challenges as a team. When couples head in the same direction, they can support each other’s growth and dreams, enhancing their bond.
On the other hand, too many conflicting goals can create tension and make it difficult to agree on key decisions, which can strain the relationship over time. While it’s natural and healthy to have differences, it becomes harder to maintain harmony when core values and long-term objectives are misaligned.
You Need to Like the Person
If you were asked to choose one food to eat for an entire month, you would likely pick your favourite meal. In the same way, choosing a life partner should be about selecting someone you genuinely like and enjoy being with.
Unlike a short-term choice, marriage is a lifelong journey, so being with someone you connect with on a deeper level is essential. You should be able to flow and gel with this person—laugh together, be playful, and share your true self without fear of judgment or feeling vulnerable.
What Age Difference?
While age difference shouldn’t necessarily be a concern, it must not be too vast. A significant age gap can create challenges, as it may be harder to build a friendship, and differing life priorities can emerge. When two people are in different stages of life, it can be challenging to relate to each other’s experiences and goals, which may strain the relationship. Ultimately, friendship and shared values should form the foundation of any partnership, making it easier to navigate the ups and downs of life together.
Don't Settle Because of Pressure
Until you find the person you are comfortable spending the rest of your life with, don’t let society and your family pressure you to settle with the wrong person. Being in a relationship is like boarding an aircraft; it is better not to board than to onboard an aircraft, knowing the pilot does not have what it takes to take you to your destination. “It is better to be single, hoping to be married, than to be married, hoping to be single again.”. If you are not careful, you will bleed on people who did not cut you. Prayerfully wait on God, knowing “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” [9]
Conclusion
Identifying your life partner is a crucial part of your life journey. In this article, I’ve outlined a few key steps to help guide you in finding that person. God fully supports your search for a life partner, as His word affirms, “It is not good for man to be alone” [10]. Take your desire to Him in prayer, trusting that He will guide you to the right person.
Once you’ve prayed, take practical steps: identify your core values, be proactive, and be prepared to commit. Ensure there is physical attraction and that you share common goals. Above all, you should genuinely like the person and feel connected. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t align with your values or is not right for you. By following these principles, you’ll be well on your way to finding a partner with whom you can build a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
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References
[1] Psalm 119:105
[2] Genesis 24:12-14 (NIV)
[3] Genesis 24:12-14
[4] Nora Gonzalez, “Do Camels Store Water in Their Humps?”. Accessed on September 13, 2024. https://www.britannica.com/story/do-camels-store-water-in-their-humps.
[5] Job 3:25-26
[6] 2 Corinthians 6:14
[7] Genesis 18:17-19 (NIV)
[8] Amos 3:3 (NIV)
[9] Ecclesiastes 3:11
[10] Genesis 2:18
Comments:
Maame Fosuaa
Thank you sir, really learnt a lot! Fully Equip
Shireen
Thank you sir, God bless you!